The topic of accepting life with chronic pain has been rolling around in my head for a long time. More precisely, I've been analyzing the meaning of the word "acceptance" and wondering whether living with chronic pain has made this word take on an entirely different meaning for me.
Because what is acceptance, really? By definition, it's coming to terms with something, acknowledging something as existing or inevitable. Sounds reasonable. But does that definition fit someone living with trigeminal nerve pain or another chronic pain condition?
I have the feeling that the answer depends on who I'm talking to. If my conversation partner doesn't know what this pain is like, what can they possibly know about accepting life with such a disease? Could they accept mornings that begin with an unpleasant sensation in the face? Although "unpleasant" is a massive understatement.
There are days when, before consciousness even fully returns after waking, I already feel like a volcano of pain that must work very hard not to erupt. It doesn't matter how the previous day ended. It doesn't matter what awaits me after waking. The pain is there regardless.
I can hike trails lined with breathtaking views. I can warm myself on the sands at the foot of the Atlantic. I can simply walk between store shelves looking for food that will provide energy and sustenance. But everything I do, I do in the company of unpleasant, exhausting pain. It's with me during the grand things and the perfectly ordinary ones. It doesn't take vacations or stay home... It always walks with me.
So can this be accepted?
Increasingly, I think it's not about acceptance. It's rather about learning to live with pain. Learning that it exists. That it will keep returning, whether we like it or not. That groceries still need buying, dinner still needs cooking, you still need to leave the house, meet people, and survive another day despite its presence.
Very difficult things can happen in life. The death of a loved one, divorce, serious illness. I've lived through the last two. And honestly, I'm not sure such experiences are "accepted." It seems to me that they are rather received with humility. Over time we learn to live in a new reality, but that doesn't mean we recognize it as good or fair.
That's why I can talk about acceptance with people who have been through something similar. With those who know what life with pain looks like. Who know what daily existence looks like when it's subordinated to symptoms that can't be switched off with one gesture or one pill. But we know well that the word "acceptance" no longer carries the same meaning for us as it does for healthy people.
A challenge to the word
I believe that if someone wants to talk to us about accepting life with pain, they should first drive a rusty nail into their gum. Or into another part of their face. Then walk with it for several dozen weeks. Wake with it every morning, fall asleep with it every evening, and try to function normally. Work, talk, laugh, and plan the future while every day is marked by suffering.
Then we can talk about acceptance.
Natalia — since 2014 I've been living with trigeminal nerve pain. I write in plain language, based on reliable sources and personal experience. Read my story →
Frequently Asked Questions
What is trigeminal neuralgia?
Trigeminal neuralgia is a chronic facial pain condition. It manifests as sudden, severe, usually one-sided pain attacks — often described as an electric shock. A single attack typically lasts from a few seconds to about two minutes.
Which doctor should I see for facial pain?
First, see a neurologist. If surgery is being considered, a neurosurgeon. If a dental cause is suspected, it is also worth ruling it out with a dentist.
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