This is a question that probably everyone asks themselves — or at least I ask it from time to time. Not only of myself. I ask it of people who know my story, sometimes of doctors during appointments, sometimes I shout it into the void when I get the chance, and sometimes those cursed words circle through my mind like a spooked horse, flinging its mane and tail. Why do I compare this cruel question to such a majestic creature as a horse? Perhaps it's my way of softening and protecting myself from what I'm facing. Comparing pain to a beautiful creature eases the fear of the unknown.
When I received the diagnosis of trigeminal neuralgia, I didn't know what I'd be living with. No one gave me ready answers or handed me a map. So slowly, step by step, I began wondering how to live with something I didn't understand. That's when I remembered the words of Sun Tzu: the ancient masters of warfare first made themselves invincible, and only then waited for the right moment to defeat the adversary.
To become invincible in the face of such a difficult opponent as pain itself, I had to take care of everything within my control — body and mind. Three jaw surgeries, misdiagnoses, and antibiotic treatment spanning three years took their toll, and Tegretol poisoning only added another weight to an already exhausted body. Because no matter what was done, pain remained with me. It weakened not only my tired body but also my spirit, which over time increasingly buckled under the weight of everything that had happened.
Yet I knew that if I surrendered on this front, I would lose — and death is the last thing I wish for. So despite the wounds and despite the suffering, I stood face to face with the fate assigned to me and understood that I had to win.
Know your enemy
But how do you win against an enemy you don't know? After all, no doctor sat down with me, brewed tea, and dedicated even half an hour to tell me what awaited me. I received no pamphlet, no words that would help me understand the world I'd just entered.
So the first thing I did was make a plan, and at the very top I wrote in bold: "Know the enemy." I headed to the library, where Alan Gordon, Alon Ziv, Marc Schwob, Abdul-Ghaaliq Lalkhen, Jon Kabat-Zinn, and many others were waiting. I began gathering information and arming myself with knowledge that helped me understand what chronic pain truly is and how one can learn to live with it.
You know, sometimes I imagine that a dragon has taken up residence in my trigeminal nerve — one that, upon waking, rages like Smaug from The Hobbit. So I tried to learn how not to wake it, and when it did wake, I learned survival techniques.
Building the arsenal
Later I began collecting knowledge not only about pain but also about the most important and most wonderful creation of evolution we possess — our brain. That's when I caught the bug and started absorbing every new publication that appeared. I read and read and tried to connect everything into a whole. The more I knew, the wider my perspective grew, and I began to understand that there are things that can help you live despite pain.
Diet turned out to be a bullseye — it not only strengthened my body but made me feel better. I noticed my brain working differently, as if regaining strength.
Physical exercise gave me energy to fight and ensured that even when pain becomes strong, my body can still get up and keep going.
Meditation brings comfort in moments when my thoughts start racing. Though the beginnings were hard, today I see enormous progress.
Relationships were deeply tested by illness, but perhaps that's how it was meant to be. Today I feel immense gratitude that the people who left made room for incredibly valuable and wonderful people who appeared in my life.
The answer isn't easy, but life is possible
When the question "How do I live with chronic pain?" returns to my mind, I still feel that the answer isn't easy. But I now know that life itself is possible. You just need to arm yourself with the armor of knowledge and new skills that help you navigate through life.
I think then of a young woman who will probably always be present in my mind — Bethany Hamilton. She was only thirteen years old when a shark attacked, taking her left arm. In one instant it took not only part of her body but also the world she knew. It disrupted her sense of safety, her dreams, everything that seemed permanent. And I'm convinced that somewhere amid the pain and fear, she must have asked herself how to live now.
But she didn't stop. She returned to the ocean — not because she stopped being afraid, but because somewhere amid the pain and fear she discovered that sometimes we don't win by defeating the adversary. Sometimes we win when we learn to live alongside it.
And I think that's exactly what pain teaches me. You don't always have to slay your dragon. Sometimes it's enough to learn to live with it in a way that despite its breath, you can still see the sun.
I highly recommend the film *Soul Surfer* showing Bethany's journey and her fight for herself — it gave me a great deal and helped during a difficult time.
Natalia — since 2014 I've been living with trigeminal nerve pain. I write in plain language, based on reliable sources and personal experience. Read my story →
Frequently Asked Questions
What is trigeminal neuralgia?
Trigeminal neuralgia is a chronic facial pain condition. It manifests as sudden, severe, usually one-sided pain attacks — often described as an electric shock. A single attack typically lasts from a few seconds to about two minutes.
Does alpha-lipoic acid (ALA) help with neuropathy?
Some people use ALA as a supportive supplement, but evidence is limited and comes mainly from studies on diabetic neuropathy. It is considered a supplement, not a proven therapy. Always consult your doctor.
Which doctor should I see for facial pain?
First, see a neurologist. If surgery is being considered, a neurosurgeon. If a dental cause is suspected, it is also worth ruling it out with a dentist.
Can trigeminal neuralgia be cured?
In many people, pain can be effectively controlled with medications or procedures, and MVD provides the most durable results in eligible patients. The course varies — with periods of remission and relapse. Decisions are made together with your doctor.
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